West Point Eulogies for Jonathan

We have just learned of a website West Point has put together for his classmates to remember him. There are several eulogies there. Here is the link:

http://defender.west-point.org/service/eulogies.mhtml?u=50785

What a great service they provide!

Kiri's message from Jonathan's service

Memorial Service Message
Rev. Kirianne Weaver,
on Matthew 6:19-21

I wanted to read one last scripture, even though it is a little unusual for a service like this. Actually, I've never read it at one before; but I have a hunch that Jonathan wouldn't mind something a little unusual, or a little off the beaten path. He'd approve.

There are several reasons why this scripture has come back to me so often. It talks about earthly treasures--and there were a lot of earthly treasures that Jonathan stored up. A week before my brother died, Jonathan and Meredith were visiting me in Northville, New York. We talked about a lot of things: social issues, the geology of Vermont, Northville's lack of a nightlife, the water in Michigan, what we were about to order for breakfast... and houses. Meredith, patting Jonathan's back lovingly, said she had just "de-Jonathanized" the front froom, which basically meant moving boxes of never-unpacked things from the front room into the back room or the basement. There is no doubt that Jonathan stored up some unusual treasures on earth, and it's going to take someone years to make it through the shed. There was amazing stuff in his world: his phone, that would do absolutely anything, at any time, and was connected to everywhere, always. The knives in his kitchen aren't stainless steel like we normal people's knives are: they're ceramic, and as hard and sharp as the day they were bought. There are ordinary household items made from Chemistry lab materials... (I think there was nothing more compelling for Jonathan to purchase than a newly discovered polymer.) There are duplicates and triplicates of strange and enticing chef's weapons; microchips and concept equipment and unidentifiable hardware encased in black boxes with power cords; books on languages, field guides to medicinal plants, every kind of theology, and tomes on war--probably all of which he had read. Probably most of which he could have written.

But he didn't care about all that stuff. He might pretend, for the sake of fun and zest in life, to care about that stuff; but he didn't.

Matthew 6:19-21

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and rust do not destroy, and where thieves cannot break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Here are some of the things for which Jonathan woudl have given up everything he possessed:

• For the sake of doing the right thing, Jonathan would give up anything. If it mattered enough, he would have given up his life. It was Jonathan, after all, who said to David: "What do you want of me? Ask me, and I will give it." 1 Samuel 20.
• For the sake of love, Jonathan would give up his heart and soul. He would give them otu of love, and hand them over completely. He was not beneath doing anything that showed his love.
• For Meredith, he would do or give or lose anything.
• To ease someone else's fears, he would give up his own pride. To help others relax and feel at home, he would offer up his own dignity for their sake.
• To reach out and help others, he would give his time. He would give his strength, his abilities, his talents, and his pain. He would give his money, his passion, and his energy. He would give his thoughtfulness and his respect. He would give up his own needs. He did not expect a return. He loved with open hands.

What is Christ offering, to a man like that? When Jesus says that treasures are to be stored in heaven, or that the things here on earth pale in their comparison, or that things that are stored in heaven will not pass away--What is Jesus granting a man like Jonathan with these words?

I believe that whatever we are able to offer God in our lives, God accepts. By this I do not mean that living a faithful life is very easy, nor that God is happy with the crumbs of our desires, nor that it all boils down to a simple exchange. But I mean that if we can offer our entire selves, all these earthly things: our possessions, our gadgets, and our toys... and also our abilities, our talents, our minds and intellects, our very lives if they are needed for the effort--if we can offer these to God's service and to the cause of Christ's goodness and love--whatever we are able to offer to God, God accepts. When Jesus, so long ago to his disciples and again to us today, speaks the words: "Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and rust do not destroy, and where thieves cannot break in and steal"--he is offering us a chance to take the treasure that is our lives, and make it beautiful forever. If we store it up in heaven, if we are able to give it all up, when it matters, nothing can ever harm it. There is no harm there.

I am a good enough minister, though (just barely) to know that this service is not for him, but to praise God and to comfort us. Jonathan has already lived this out. He has done it. He has run this race. He has made us all more proud than we can say, and we are filled with admiration for it, and awe, and tenderness, too... and we sometimes sum all these ideas up by saying that we have been blessed. But what shall these words mean for us, and what is this scripture--a living word, spoken by a living God and resurrected Son--what is it to say to us, while we are living, now?

Here is the reason I needed to use this scripture, even though I have never heard it read at a time like this before. I have become obsessed with this idea, and I want to share it:

Jonathan is now our treasure, stored in heaven. Because the things we saw in him that were of Christ's power and love are the treasure that is connecting us to heaven these days. When we think about him, we are happy, and are filled with a sense of his nobleness and goodness. The things that we saw in Jonathan that were from Christ are there now--and we have become linked to him, and linked to heaven, in a way that I know I never have been before! Christ made a path, a Way, a link for our hearts and minds between this world and the next, and when we have treasured loves on that other side, our hearts start pulling upwards towards them, up that Jacob's ladder... making it easier for us to love it and want it for our own selves. For where our treasure is, there our hearts will be also.

Now, we have a new treasure there, stored in heaven: a new, precious link between our daily lives and God's promise. Our treasure is there! He is there. Christ is there.

We look around, and this world can seem pale in comparison. but then, we look up, and lift our eyes. And the glory of the Lord shines upon us. And our hearts reach out, and are filled: not by what we have lost in this world, but by what we have gained in the next.

Amen.

Jonathan's service in Leavenworth

It is hard, now, to describe what last Saturday was like. A mere week has pruned my memories of it, so that I feel strangely anxious that I will start losing the vividness of my memories of Jonathan, too. One shocking thing I have come to realize in this process is that it has been a long time since I stopped to remember the young boy Jonathan, or the teenaged Jonathan. He was the 30-something Jonathan, and present reality has a way of trumping our mind's eye. Now I see him at all ages, and at all times.

Mom (Marianne) said, very perceptively, that she has said goodbye to many Jonathans: the Jonathan who lisped, and couldn't stop reading, and jumped all day in his Jolly Jumper; the Jonathan who sang soprano, buttoned his collars, and did ten times more homework than was ever assigned; the Jonathan, now in high school, who wore shorts through the winter and carried all his textbooks on his back. Now, she has lost another Jonathan, a 36-year-old Jonathan: and like the others he lives in our memories. This one won't be replaced, but she showed me that this is how time works, and that we can survive it.

Jonathan's service, at the First Presbyterian Church, was probably attended by 250 people. I think the entire congregation came; he was in the choir, helped with VBS, and was so active there. There were so many that traveled long distances to be present, including family, friends, and classmates of Jonathan's.

The service was led by the pastor, Ron VanSchenkhof. Mom and Dad played with so much love at the service. Uncle Bob sang Dad's Psalm 23, and it was absolutely beautifully done. Debbie and Cindy Weaver read the scripture passages, and they already had me growing tears at just the moment I was meant to give the message.

Which, because people have asked, is the next post.

-Kirianne

Starting out for home.

The Weaver family are starting out for home now, and it will take us several days.  Meredith and Mary and Brad, her parents, went Monday morning to Michigan City to the cabin, where Meredith does the best thinking.

We have been meaning to post something about the service, and other news that we have, but the exhaustion of grief is catching up with us a bit; and leafing through books, old journals and other kids of piles has left Kiri, at least, feeling kind of sad and empty. I look at a wimpy pile of stacked things, and think: "He is so much more." But the evidence I have been staring at these past two days is a little mocking of the grandness and beauty and life of our memories.

I was always his feisty younger sister, and did not stop, often enough, to tell him how much I admired him and thought he was beautiful in every way.

We will be back online by Thursday or Friday.

-Kirianne

Jonathan's service is tomorrow morning, at 11am at the First Presbyterian Church of Leavenworth, Kansas. Calling hours start at 10, and there is a luncheon afterwards. We don't know how many people will be there, but we know that there are many more who will be with us in spirit. 

Among them will be Jonathan. 

We will tell him that we miss him already. 

Here is a postcard Jonathan wrote, from Gallup, NM, in June of 1993:

Great scenery, Dad - sorry you're not here! Amtrak's new line parallels I-40 and old US 66 of song & TV fame. Superliners pass regularly. Hit a deer (@ 65mph!) w/ my car. No real serious dmg, but lots of blood, hair and cheeseburger all over undercarriage. Smelled bad for 1st day, then all water cooked off. Car drinks lots of everything but performs like a champ. I love it, just as Dad promised I would. His [the car's] name is Henry Morgan.*

*TOO BIG FOR JUST ONE NAME.

To:  WEAVER

921 MAD AVE

NY NY 10021

P.S.  I recommend CB highly for distance driving!

Here is Jonathan Kirk Weaver.  He is just starting to think and learn.  His eyes are wide open, and his hands are asking how to move and grasp the world.  The wave of hair, just above his right eye, would always come back if his hair was long enough.

This is the photo that christened "Jonathan's Christmas Tree." They were just exactly the same height for one summer. Then, the tree outpaced him, though he did pretty well for homo sapiens... 

About five years ago, Jonathan's Christmas Tree had gotten too big for its placement by the driveway, and it got cut down.  But Dad tells me that it planted one of its seeds first.  Jonathan's New Christmas Tree is about three and a half feet tall now, perhaps just about the height of the one in this photo.

You can tell that this is my birthday, but I noticed that apart from looking really cute, he's also gazing at my cake with a rather hungry expression.  I probably thought he was leaning in for a nice picture.  He's probably thinking about strategic digital confectionary acquisition maneuvers.  Or something like that.  

Jonathan's intensity was always apparent; he always wanted to figure things out, and could work for hours on something if he wasn't satisfied yet.

I think the Train Conductor's outfit might have something to do with his father.

In the summer of 1987, the choir at Madison Avenue Presbyterian Church took a great tour around England and Scotland.  I think this is in front of the Cathedral in Cambridge, England, at King's College.

This is Jonathan at age 15.  He could pass, though, for 30.

SLEEP IN ORBIT

Jonathan loved to caption polaroids.  

Mom, on the other hand, hated having to wake us up at 6am to travel out to Bronx Science.  Here's Mom, displaying her fatigue by taking a snooze on the kitchen floor... or in outer space?  You decide.

Jonathan, in the NYC kitchen, is about to go to his Senior Prom at the Bronx High School of Science: 1989.  Not too long after this, he got a major haircut...

So many pictures...

Also, after the service (and following the luncheon at the church) on Saturday, Meredith's parents, Brad and Mary Cox, have graciously invited everyone to their house:

33457 223rd Street

Easton, Kansas 66020

Many friends and neighbors have brought food, so don't worry about going hungry.  And Jonathan really loved eating, too.

An Invitation to Dinner for Thursday and Friday

We've made some family dinner plans for Thursday and Friday evenings:

7pm Thursday evening:

Baan Thai Restaurant

401 S. 4th Street

Leavenworth, KS  66048

(913) 682-6999

7pm Friday evening:

Swagat Indian Restaurant

at the Zona Rosa Outdoor Mall

8640 N. Dixson Ave

Kansas City, MO  64153

(816) 587-8180

This second restaurant for Friday evening is actually very near the Airport, if any of you will just be getting in.  We will probably go dutch for most of our meals.  If you think you can come, please leave a comment so that we can get (a) table(s) with the right number of places.

We are grateful for chances to be together.

Our first day in Leavenworth- from Kirianne

We arrived today in Leavenworth, Kansas, at about 3:15pm.  There was some relief, I think, in pulling up to the house safely after such a long road trip.  We first started Sunday afternoon, and stayed over the first night at my house in Northville before heading on.  As soon as people saw us home Monday morning, they began to stop by to wish us well.  We are surrounded by prayers.

There was something cathartic to me about having spent so much time on the road, in much the same manner Jonathan had himself on his last journey and on many before that.  The trucks we passed reminded us of what had happened, but also began to show us that they could be safe.  We were able to imagine what he might have experienced, but were also able to keep him company somehow by our presence with him on the road.  We read aloud from CS Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia, his (and my) favorite childhood books: on Monday, the whole of The Magician's Nephew, and on Tuesday, the whole of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe--shy two pages we read in our hotel room.

Now, we have started The Silver Chair.  Perhaps we will read some of that while we are here at his house.  It was, in particular, his favorite of them all.  The memory is that he always wanted, for this book, to start at the beginning; so that it was very, very hard to ever reach the end.

Tomorrow we are planning to travel to the place where the accident occurred, and in general to try our best to confront the reality of his death.  He was so full of life! - I still can't imagine him, even for a moment, without picturing him moving, or thinking or talking or jumping around.  It seems incongruous, that such a person should be stilled.  

Mom said this evening that we are all used to Jonathan not living nearby.  It is far too easy, she said, and attractive to imagine that he is only gone away for a while, as though to another country or on a trip.  There is a struggle to maintain the knowledge of what has happened... denial will not help us grow.  Acceptance - which is ugly, and brutal, and chokes words in our throats - is akin to truth.  God can always use our experiences, when we can face them in truth. 

And thanks again to the Cox family, and to all their baking friends, for the wonderful dinner we had together tonight.  Sleep well, and see you tomorrow.

-Kirianne

Jonathan, 36, and a Major in the Army, was born on October 24, 1971 in New York City.  He attended the Madison Avenue Presbyterian Day School, and received a superb first through eighth grade education at St. Bernard's School.  He attended the Bronx High School of Science, a wonderful public magnet school.  He was accepted at the four colleges to which he applied, but opted to go to the United States Military Academy at West Point, NY, graduating in 1993.  His military service took him to many places in the world including tours of duty at Frankfurt, Germany; Fort Knox, KY; Seoul, Korea (twice); Fort Jackson, SC; Kosovo; Fort Benning, GA; Afghanistan; and shorter stays at many places in the US, Egypt, Jordan, and Argentina.

Jonathan loved to sing! As a boy soprano he sang just about every important role including Mendelssohn's "Elijah," Britten's "Curlew River," Bernstein's "Chichester Psalms," and some 20 performances of Menotti's "Amahl and the Night Visitors," including the first performance of that opera in New York's Avery Fisher Hall under the composer's direction.  He was a Children's Chorister with the Metropolitan and New York City Opera Companies for many years.  Wherever he found himself in the world for any length of time he joined a church choir.  He was a superb choral singer with adroit reading skills.

It was in the choir of First Presbyterian Church in Leavenworth Kansas that he sang in the bass section with a Colonel Cox.  They and two others formed a barbershop quartet.  In due time he met Col. Cox's daughter, Meredith, and the rest is history as they say.  Jonathan and Meredith were married in Leavenworth on June 26, 2004, with many friends and relatives of both the Weaver and Cox family present.

Jonathan had an unusual fluency in foreign languages.  In every country he visited he quickly learned the rudiments of the local tongue.  His Russian was rather good and he studied Arabic at West Point.  We have been surprised that he had not been sent to Iraq before the anticipated deployment this fall.  At the Military Academy he rather overloaded his schedule, accumulating many more credits than were required.  He delighted in the demanding intellectual studies there.  His memory for details and history were amazing to us all.

Jonathan had just finished a Master's course in Military Strategy at Leavenworth, and was on his last leg of a grand trip visiting both sides of the family in Michigan, Northville, NY, and Vermont.  We are more glad for that trip than we can say.  As Amahl and his mother sing to one another, they say:  "So, my darling, goodbye.  I shall miss you very much; very much." 

John, Marianne, and Kirianne Weaver.

The First Email.

Dear relatives and friends,

Thursday afternoon we were visited by a Vermont National Guard captain and chaplain in our living room.  They had come to bring us the news that our son, Jonathan, had been killed in an automobile accident on Wednesday night near Cameron, Missouri, while driving home to Leavenworth, Kansas on the last night of his leave.  He was due to report to Fort Riley for training in preparation for a tour of duty in either Iraq or Afghanistan scheduled for the fall.  According to the Missouri State Highway Patrol he was cut off on a dual highway by a tractor trailer truck.  The driver of the truck was given a reckless driving citation.  Jonathan was driving his Ford van with George, their German Shepherd, and their Jack Russell terrier Milo also in the vehicle.  The crash resulted in the van catching fire.  Jonathan and Milo were both killed and George has been seen by local farmers but will not be approached.

This is about all we know as of this writing.  The VT National Guard officers were misinformed, telling us that he was killed while driving a motorcycle.  We told this to several people, probably starting a rumor which is untrue.  It is their custom to send two officers to the first of kin before informing other family members.  Meredith, Jonathan's wife, was at their summer cottage on Lake Michigan, of which the Army knew neither the phone number or address, thus they came to us some 15 hours after the accident.  We left a voicemail message on the home phone of Brad and Mary Cox, Meredith's parents, hoping they would call us.  Brad was in Leavenworth, and called us around 5pm Thursday.  He gave us the Lake Michigan phone number, but asked us not to call until he had had a chance to inform the family.  We were out for the evening as I was playing in the formal chamber music concert in Hardwick, VT.  When we returned home around 11pm he called to say that he had informed Mary, and she would tell Meredith.  At this point (Friday morning) we have heard from Meredith and are beginning to plan services, burial, obituaries, etc.  The Army will be somewhat involved in these matters.  Tentatively we are looking at a funeral at the Presbyterian Church in Leavenworth on Friday or Saturday, July 25-26, with possible memorial services at East Craftsbury and Madison Avenue at a later date.  I wanted t let you all know as soon as possible, and we will keep you informed as more detailed plans are developed.

...The letter continued with our first attempt at a remembrance of Jonathan's life, next post.